yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
