my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
