Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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