come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
