i'm signing you up for texting rehab
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
