My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
