Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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