Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just gift wrapped bread.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize