my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
