You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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