There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
