How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
