First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize