dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
