We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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