The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
