My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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