Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
im on a boat
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