Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize