My entire life is one complicated drinking game
No subtext here. People are naked.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
