i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
