I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Pants are for mortals
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