What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
