i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
