I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
