Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
