so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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