So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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