tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
