I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
