he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
