pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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