I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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