Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
