I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
