Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
