The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
