I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's blow job season.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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