Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
