I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
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