I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize