If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
