Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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