I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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