it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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