Fine. I'll sleep in my office
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
