The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
