New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
