Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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