I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
