Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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