I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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