I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
