yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
