4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She bit a glass in half.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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