News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
