you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
