I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
