he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
