I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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