evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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