I hate all girls vehemently.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
