Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
