Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
