I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
