So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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