I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
