Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
