he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
