How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
