If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
