he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
