youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
