Non-Jews are for practice
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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