I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
