I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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