I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
