I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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