I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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