Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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