I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
